Only time shall tell

I'm not quite sure how I feel today. There are moments of nostalgia and there are moments of light at the end of the tunnel. They're intermixed and leave me very confused. It's brought me to a conclusion that this is all a game. Life, relationships, happiness, it's all a game. And if you don't play you're cards right, you lose. You lose in the sense you end up unhappy, broken, and torn and in the desperate place I have been to feel something other than those feelings. I know people say that happiness is a choice, not a destination. But sometimes making the choice to be happy can be hampered by numerous situations, people, events. I've had my fair share of situations, people, events encouraging my choice for happiness to be ever more difficult. I guess it's those one little things at a time. I had my first night without crying, but it didn't stop me from looking at my phone. Like I said, the good and the bad are intermixed. My way of coping as we all know is through alcohol, and I plan on confirming all of your suspisions of drinking tequila tonite as true. I don't know if I'll end up a drunk mess and reverting back to my old ways of forgiveness and the one down position (counseling term get your mind out of the gutter). Or if I'll end up in a dumpster somewhere. Like I said . . . I have moments of hope, and moments of complete unraveling, I guess we'll see how it turns out.