What is it about change that we inately as human's just despise.

I am very much a creature of habit. I like a schedule, I like to know how my week is going to go, I like to know the people I can depend on, and even more so, those to not expect so much out of. I don't like things that disrupt the daily flow of life. However, is it these disruptions that alleviate stagnation. I mentioned in my last post that stagnation is where I'm at in my life. But to be honest, do I really dislike stagnation all that much. Maybe I dislike stagnation because I'm not happy where I'm stagnated at. In metaphorical terms, I'm stagnated in Kansas driving through country plains, and I WANT to be stagnated in Arizona driving through the desert. So how do you disrupt your life and get to a different point of stagnation.

I enjoy life. I really do. I would like to think I'm an optimistic person. Last year I was unhappy where I was at career wise and financially. This year, I could not be more excited about my future in my career. I also am in a much better place financially. Could it be better. Of course. However, I know what it felt like last year to be behind financially.

Last year I was very happy where I was at socially and physical appearance wise. And that has drastically changed this year. Did this change because I was focusing on career and finances. Possibly. How does one manage everything? I feel as though when I attempt to manage everything, I feel overwhelmed, like there isn't enough hours in the day. Therefore I feel like I can only focus on a certain number of things for a couple months, and then go to the other couple of things for the next couple of months. This . . . is not a good system. Ever illusive balance. Is that what we are all striving for? Balance? Or is it the posession of the things we want in life (perfect career, no bills, perfect appearance, a plethora of true friends)? And once we have those things how to we maintain them?

I've done a good job of shifting focus back to career, budget, and even getting back to church. I need to take some time to focus on health and self esteem and friends. With the holidays coming up, that seems insurmountable. With limited time and mounds of food at holiday parties, I don't like to admit that this goal may have to wait. I guess I will take my victories where I can get them. Things are drastically different from where I was last year. And a lot can change in a year. CHANGE. Things have changed. Though I feel like nothing is changing and everything is staying the same, if I take a look around, things are always changing. My job, my competence, my relationships. They really are morphing every day. Therefore I've decided that I'm not stagnating, I can handle change, the situations I'm worried about will not stay the same. Focusing on how far things have changed, that certainly brightens the picture.

"If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change." ~John A. Simone, Sr.

A superficial update

Well I promised the twitter world I would update this week. Here I am. - Updating. However, it's been so long since I've done so, it almost seems irrelevant. Or maybe it's rather than there is nothing exciting or absolutely disparaging in my life that I have to complain about. I would never want a blog to be about complaining . . . so rather this blog is about stagnation.

Stagnation - defined as staying the same. Not improving. Not deteriorating. Like driving down Route 66 through Kansas . . . . flat, dry land. Forever.

This is possibly how I feel about my life right now. All the blogging for months about job. I finally have one. PRAISE AND THANK THE LORD. I will have been there 1 year on November 30th. I love my job. I love the residents I work with. Are there parts of my job I don't love . . . of course. But I do love my job. And that's good. Becuase I'm going to be there for 4 more years. My work is paying for me to be supervised by an independent counselor in order to count my hours towards my independent license. This further enhances my value to the company and to my long term goals.

Becuase I'm being supervised by someone not in the company, I am given a tremendous opportunity. I have the opportunity to do contract therapy work through my supervisor and get paid at insurance rates. This = bank :)

The debt situation continues to improve with my new budget conscience mind and living on a fixed income. This new contract therapy work should help the situation improve at a much faster rate.

Any rate . . . John and I started dating when I moved back to Columbus. We moved in together fairly quickly, and if there is one thing we can agree on, it is that I never should have moved in. Our relationship is a constant work in progress. I love him to pieces, but we are definitely in the comfortable phase of our relationship where there isn't a lot of maintenance and there isn't a ton of prospect in it either. I'm hoping that changes soon. Without opening my mouth and mind too much, I promised I would update.

The past two weeks have been rough. I have been dealing with inconsiderate doctors as well as the death of my great grandmother. I would be remiss to not speak about her tenacity. My great grandma Alt passed away this past Sunday at the age of 99 years and 8 months. For YEARS my family mowed her yard, went out every morning to get her up out of bed, get her shoes on, get her coffee and cereal ready and set up for the day. Only to return in the evening to get her ready for bed. My mother took wonderful care of my g.grandmother's laundry, shopping needs, and bills. My g.grandma Alt knows her loved her best. While in high school she always asked how my "tooter" (trumpet) was doing. She was supportive, encouraging, and an all around tenacious lady.

While I've been all over Columbus attempting to find a doctor who will help me, I've pretty much been miserable. Most people think as though, due to the fact that my face is not disfigured that it must not be that big of a deal. It is a HUGE deal. I cannot feel the most important part of the left side of my face. (Lower eye lid, nose, lip, teeth) I'm in constant pain, burning, itching of my face. Over the past two and a half weeks I have only become more used to the feeling, it has not improved at all. After days when I've been most active (i.e. Crew game, tailgating for Buckeyes, speaking with lots of people) I'm in excrutiating pain. The more my face moves, the more painful it is the next day. I'm continuing to navigate my way through the health care system. I am currently being referred to a neurologist after $205 in copay's and 5 trips to medical centers. Lets hope this new doctor can help.

Before re-reading all my old blogs I made a vow this week to spend more money on outings with friends, reconnecting. My blogs re-affirmed why I love them so much. They've seen me through the past year. Hopefully the upcoming year will continue to provide new prospects and new opportunities as I eliminate debt from my life :)