There are times in my life when I get the overwhelming feeling that I'm on the verge of big change. I always likened it to if I was standing on the edge of a big cliff. The open, risky feeling you feel just by standing there, and having such confidence in knowing that if you jumped, you just know you'd fly. I remember this same feeling the summer of 2009. It's this sense of knowing that what I have right now, won't ever be again. While, I know that's true of every day life, it's a larger sense of knowing that the comfortable place my life is at, isn't going to be so comfortable in the future. That things are about to change in a big way. I have never liked change, and I think this "sense" or "feeling" is God's way of preparing me. Saying . . . "Get ready, girl."
All of the changes that have happened in my life have been good. I've never had a single big change that I've regretted, or I haven't come out the other side a better person. I know that this change will bring the same. I was on the treadmill today putting in a couple miles and I almost started crying. I felt someone saying to me that my family needs me. Ms. Brady told me a while ago about these messages she hears from God, and I wasn't completely sold on it. I wasn't sure what this voice was, or how I would know it was Him. But I heard it again. I remember this summer when I was at home for two months. It was the most peaceful time in my life. I was able to take walks with my sisters, have talks with my Mom, and morning coffee with my Dad. I was able to see my nephews soccer games, help my niece remove a years worth of stickers off her art desk, and be around for my newborn little Godson.
While I don't need to get ahead of myself, I'm being faced with the potential of being at home again. While now more stable and on my feet again, I'm not sure if that's what I want. But I know I would be missing out. I know the opportunity that lays before me, if granted to me, is not one I could sensibly pass up. Do I choose sensibility or do I choose comfortability? My life here in Columbus is "comfortable." I go to my job, I go to the gym, I have friends I can meet for dinner or Happy hour. I have girlfriends and guy friends who are a regular part of my sanity. I have a wonderful apartment. BUT . . . . (There is always a BUT when talking about Columbus. The but, when talking about home is always much smaller).
I never dread driving home. I always dread the drive back to Columbus. Someone said to be . . "Well that's because you have to go to work." After thinking about it, I don't think that's it. I love the structure the work week brings. I love my job. I love my residents. I love feeling like I've contributed to society. So why do I dread the drive back to Columbus? I think it's because those that hold my heart together, are just so far away.
I would hope that if I ever decided to move back home that the people have brought me such great revelation would stay connected with me, to make sure that I don't lose sight of what's important in life. I don't think God would have presented me with this opportunity, or lined things up so beautifully if he didn't want this for me. I guess I will just have to wait to find out. Until then, I will stand with my toes curled over the edge of that big cliff, waiting to see if this is the next big change.
