Grace

Times of change.

I was recently directed to www.therulesofagentleman.com
And this is what I found:

"Your outlook on life defines how you react to those life changing moments."
Please note: Those reactions can define your life

Along with lots of other useful tips for not only those aspiring to be a gentleman, but some of which for those wanting to be well respected, revered, and of good moral character.

I spent a long time thinking about this. We hear a lot about how, it's not about the moments that change your life, but about how you react to them that makes you a better person. But this particular quote pre-empts the situation. It is in fact true, that our outlook on life has already pre-determined how we will react in those tough, grueling situations. Optimist vs. Pessimist - People are inherently good vs. People are inherently bad - Internal vs External locus of control.

In my recent particular situation, I wallowed. Even though I have always felt that I am an optimist, believe that people are inherently good, and have an internal locus of control. I control my destiny. Life doesn't happen TO me, but I effect the life that I make. In all my time or sorrow, pity, and emptiness I don't ever recall saying "Why is this happening to me?" I do remember asking: "What lesson is God trying to teach me?" I was continuially trying to pull the bruised and battered heart out, wipe off the dust, and breathe some semblence of life back into it.

And to be honest, I'm not sure I have even figured out what lesson it was/is that God is trying to teach me. He may be trying to teach me to not be so trusting. To not be so open. To not be so caring. Or maybe he's trying to teach me the opposite. Maybe he is trying to teach me that I am a good person, and that someone out there will appreciate me for my flaws. That I too am ALLOWED to make mistakes and still be accepted. What a concept? That you can be accepted for your flaws, and misgivings. I'm not sure I've ever learned this concept. All my life I have been drug around by other peoples feelings, likes/dislikes, desires/whims. I've morphed myself so many times to that of someone else especially significant other relationships and friends that I have frequently lost sight of who I am as a person. On a topical layer, I have always continued to try to match what the other person was indicating that they wanted/needed in order to increase the amount of acceptance I felt. Little did I know, that was only decreasing the amount of acceptance, because I would always know at the core of my being, I was not being my authentic self.

So who is my authentic self? I am someone who wears my heart on my sleeve. I am someone who has no filter when it comes to love. I am someone who bears my soul in the most open of ways. I don't know how to be guarded. I don't know how to protect myself. I don't know how to stand my ground. I don't know how to stand up for who I am and say "I am a good person. And good people make mistakes sometimes. But my mistakes do not disqualify me from feeling loved."

I'm not a resentful person. Even today, I pray that peace finds those who I feel have rejected me. I know the unrest they must feel. I don't feel I will ever get tired of this quote:

"People are tenacious when it comes to the treasure of their imaginary independence. They hoard and hold their sickness with a firm grip. They find their identity and worth in their brokenness and guard it with every ounce of strength they have. No wonder grace has such little attraction. In that sense you have tried to lock the door of your heart from the inside."

Grace HAS lost such an attraction in today's society. SO many people have the door to their heart locked from the inside so that no one can get in. People become so caught up in defending their pain. But have you ever just sat and felt true pain? And just sat in that feeling. What makes it better? For every Good Friday comes an Easter Sunday. I don't only believe that pain is associated with death. I feel that for every time of mourning comes a new day. "For God made the earth round so we could never see too far down the road." Isak Dineson - Grace does not need to lose such attraction in today's society. Grace is motivation. Grace is in believing that there is a new tomorrow. Grace is in the next smile that crosses your path. Grace is in laughter. Grace is in the simplest of pleasures. And grace is what brought me peace. My horoscope stated today that it was time to start letting go. And my friends . . . . Grace is certainly in letting go.

Hodge Podge

You need to begin a process of letting go now as the Moon moves through your 12th House of Endings. Your work may not flow as easily as you wish and there's no easy way to force yourself through the current creative block. Don't get hung up about something on the job that isn't moving ahead; instead, watch the signs and see what clues you can derive. Once you figure out the message, you will be permitted to proceed to the next step.


Just wanted to recount how true my igoogle horoscope on a regular basis is.

My goal is to revamp this blog. It's new name will be Life, Love and the lack thereof.

Time and time again we need a little break
From the give and take
We make the same mistakes
I know I've never been the one to let my feelings show
And I guess in that regard I'm really not alone
We could all use a push and when it comes to shove
We sing of life and love and a lack thereof
But with a little bit of luck we could never get enough of a good thing - Uncle Kracker


I promise to update soon. About the journey through moving on . . . . moving forward . . . . and finding peace.