2011. Wow. What a year. (very cliche way to start off an end of the year blog, I know, but true) If someone had told me January 1st, 2011 that this would be my life a year later, I never would have believed them. The year started off rocky, and of course got a little rockier. But sometimes, as many will say, you have to hit bottom before you can climb back up.
The most amazing part of this year happened in July. On a balcony in Myrtle Beach I discovered how much abounding love God truly has for me. My life has been forever changed by that single moment. It has been the basis for my happiness. Happiness that is not found in someone or something else. The happiness that I have found is truly from within. The peace in which I found in all my troubles have disappeared. It's almost as if there are no more troubles in life that I can't walk through with my head held high. With happiness and faith in God, I know Plan A is right on track, and he has amazing plans for me. I have learned so much through my time spent reading the bible. Phrases, meanings, verses that have continued to renew my faith day in and day out. My explanation and lack of words to describe the transformation my soul has made since that day does not do the experience justice. I've never in my life felt more internal happiness in my life. My life has been filled with laughter, smiles, friendship, grace, and love. My relationship with God has been renewed, but also with my family and some really amazing friends.
I've also had the opportunity to grow in my career. As I embark on 2012, I will be looking to take my independent licensure exam. I will also be looking for new career opportunities, that continue to challenge me both personally and professionally. My career at Columbus Alzheimer's has blessed me with flexibility, insight, and lots of challenges.
And even when things were falling into place and I was smiling from the inside, God gave me a nice layer of icing on my cake. Aron has been a wonderful addition to my life. He reflects all the happiness, smiles, and laughter that is so strongly at the center of who I am. Our relationship continues to embody the balance I wish to have in my life of feeling cared about and maintaining my own independence.
This year wouldn't have been complete without Miss Natalie Edwards, leaving Charlotte and moving back to Columbus. She continues to remain to be the other of me on some days. She has shared many a drink, heart to heart, and gone through many life's lessons with me. Also, Miss Kala Andrews who saw a girl in need and invited me on that fateful trip to Myrtle has continued to be a beacon of light in my life. When I feel myself beginning to lose my light, she quickly reminds me that "Giiirrrrllllll, His plan for you is SO good." I look forward to our continued friendship. Though Mr. Shawn Collier has spent his year very busy, and with his wonderful girlfriend India, he continues to be a mainstay in my social calender, for laughs, and a reality check. His expanded social circle also brought light to one Miss Erin Hackett, who continues to get me into trouble, share a drink, and smell good. While some of my friendships have grown deeper roots, and other new friendships have taken into full bloom, I know God has redeemed any amount of pain I felt in the first months of this year.
I wouldn't trade 2011 for the world. I say again, there are no words to explain the amount of gratitude I feel to be so amazingly blessed by all of you. I will end with a bible verse that keeps me grounded, and not taking things for granted.
Luke 8: 18 - Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what they think they have will be taken from them.
May the Chapter of 2011 forever be closed. And may my 2012 be half as blessed as I am right this very moment. I wish all my friends peace, happiness, and gratitude in the coming year :)
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Sarah
On my drive home from work tonite, after a LONG day at work, I was thinking about all the things to blog about. How it all tied together in this growing dichotomy building inside me. Now time has gotten away from me so this may be rather short and sporadic.
With the holiday season being upon us, I'm trying so hard to stay positive. Yet I constantly struggle with driving home to an empty apartment. Due to my crazy busy work schedule and responsibilities outside of work, my beloved little puggle has gone to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for the winter. It's amazing how much enjoyment my 4 legged little BooBoo's brought me. This growing discontentment was recently magnified by what I feel was letting this job opportunity slip through my hands. It's hard for me to put into words how disappointed I am by this. Disappointment has not been a feeling I've had the unwonderful pleasure of knowing much in my life. I have generally tended to believe that my destiny is in my hands and ultimately control the outcome. I've worked hard for everything I have and in this instance, my experience and ability to convey my aptitude for this position just simply did not overcome that of someone else. I didn't let too many people know that I had this opportunity for this specific reason. I don't think people these days know how to console one another. In this particular instance, I just decided to rededicate myself back to my work, and assure myself that another "perfect" opportunity such as this one, would come along at a much better time.
I don't think people these days know how to console one another. I cried with my first family member today. I have been at my job now for 2 years and have never cried in front of a family member within the confines of CACC. Or in the parking lot. But today I did. One of my favorite family members, is in the process of losing her husband. This particular resident and I did not have an exceptional relationship, but we had a good relationship none the less. But I much enjoyed my relationship with his wife on her visits. Every time I was with this resident, and his wife came to visit, the instant he saw her face, his face lit up like nothing I had ever seen. He smiled, would hug her, and would immediately take her hand. He would look at me, smiling, look back at her, and you just knew that they had had a lifetime of love together. I hope his wife can remember that in the coming days. Today my heart broke for her. She's been so strong, caring for him, for a long time. She is about to lose the physical presence of her best friend. The only comforting words I had for her were, John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God. Believe also in me. My Fathers house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." I hope this gives her some peace.
On a similarly religious and work affiliated note. Both my favorite resident and I, the past week had been suffering from bad colds. (No wonder I got sick) He has not been in my office, or even out of his room much last week, nor had I had my door open to my office much due to my own germs and tolerance. Today we were both feeling much better. After catching up and talking about his baby sister and how I am as well the youngest. He said to me, "Well I can tell you that your parents did one thing right. They raised you up in the way of the Lord. And let me tell you, I have been watching you, and they have done a fine job." My heart was filled with gladness. Just the night before in the book I am currently reading, I was fixated on this passage:
"What will people remember us for? Are other people's lives better because we lived? Did we make a difference? Did we use to the fullest the gifts and abilities God gave us? Did we give our best effort and did we do it for the right reasons?
God's definition of success is really one of significance - the significant difference our lives can make in the lives of others. The significant doesn't show up in win-loss records, long resumes, or the trophies gathering dust on our mantels. It's found in the hearts and lives of those we've come across who are in some way better because of the way we lived."
As I fell asleep last night, I wondered. How have I been living my life? Have I been doing it for the right reasons? Have I been using my gifts and abilities God gave me to the fullest? Heck . . . . what even ARE the gifts and abilities God gave me? Have I impacted anyone's life? Has anyone been better because I have lived? It truly made me question my motives in my life. I've recently been focused on Peter 3:4 recently. I've been focusing on having a "quiet and gentle spirit." God likens it to the spirit of Sarah, Abraham's wife. At work today, I focused on being very productive catching up on my paperwork, so that in the future, when given the opportunity, I can take the time to truly be use my abilities to the fullest. I think my residents comment to me, was God's encouragement that I have, but there are avenues where I can be better.
Though I've been a little discouraged lately, I'm hoping it's likely due to the fact I've been cold/flu sick. I'm hoping with my increasing health my mood improves as well. This holiday season is filled with such gladness, I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to spend some incredible moments with people I truly care about both old and new.
With the holiday season being upon us, I'm trying so hard to stay positive. Yet I constantly struggle with driving home to an empty apartment. Due to my crazy busy work schedule and responsibilities outside of work, my beloved little puggle has gone to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for the winter. It's amazing how much enjoyment my 4 legged little BooBoo's brought me. This growing discontentment was recently magnified by what I feel was letting this job opportunity slip through my hands. It's hard for me to put into words how disappointed I am by this. Disappointment has not been a feeling I've had the unwonderful pleasure of knowing much in my life. I have generally tended to believe that my destiny is in my hands and ultimately control the outcome. I've worked hard for everything I have and in this instance, my experience and ability to convey my aptitude for this position just simply did not overcome that of someone else. I didn't let too many people know that I had this opportunity for this specific reason. I don't think people these days know how to console one another. In this particular instance, I just decided to rededicate myself back to my work, and assure myself that another "perfect" opportunity such as this one, would come along at a much better time.
I don't think people these days know how to console one another. I cried with my first family member today. I have been at my job now for 2 years and have never cried in front of a family member within the confines of CACC. Or in the parking lot. But today I did. One of my favorite family members, is in the process of losing her husband. This particular resident and I did not have an exceptional relationship, but we had a good relationship none the less. But I much enjoyed my relationship with his wife on her visits. Every time I was with this resident, and his wife came to visit, the instant he saw her face, his face lit up like nothing I had ever seen. He smiled, would hug her, and would immediately take her hand. He would look at me, smiling, look back at her, and you just knew that they had had a lifetime of love together. I hope his wife can remember that in the coming days. Today my heart broke for her. She's been so strong, caring for him, for a long time. She is about to lose the physical presence of her best friend. The only comforting words I had for her were, John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God. Believe also in me. My Fathers house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." I hope this gives her some peace.
On a similarly religious and work affiliated note. Both my favorite resident and I, the past week had been suffering from bad colds. (No wonder I got sick) He has not been in my office, or even out of his room much last week, nor had I had my door open to my office much due to my own germs and tolerance. Today we were both feeling much better. After catching up and talking about his baby sister and how I am as well the youngest. He said to me, "Well I can tell you that your parents did one thing right. They raised you up in the way of the Lord. And let me tell you, I have been watching you, and they have done a fine job." My heart was filled with gladness. Just the night before in the book I am currently reading, I was fixated on this passage:
"What will people remember us for? Are other people's lives better because we lived? Did we make a difference? Did we use to the fullest the gifts and abilities God gave us? Did we give our best effort and did we do it for the right reasons?
God's definition of success is really one of significance - the significant difference our lives can make in the lives of others. The significant doesn't show up in win-loss records, long resumes, or the trophies gathering dust on our mantels. It's found in the hearts and lives of those we've come across who are in some way better because of the way we lived."
As I fell asleep last night, I wondered. How have I been living my life? Have I been doing it for the right reasons? Have I been using my gifts and abilities God gave me to the fullest? Heck . . . . what even ARE the gifts and abilities God gave me? Have I impacted anyone's life? Has anyone been better because I have lived? It truly made me question my motives in my life. I've recently been focused on Peter 3:4 recently. I've been focusing on having a "quiet and gentle spirit." God likens it to the spirit of Sarah, Abraham's wife. At work today, I focused on being very productive catching up on my paperwork, so that in the future, when given the opportunity, I can take the time to truly be use my abilities to the fullest. I think my residents comment to me, was God's encouragement that I have, but there are avenues where I can be better.
Though I've been a little discouraged lately, I'm hoping it's likely due to the fact I've been cold/flu sick. I'm hoping with my increasing health my mood improves as well. This holiday season is filled with such gladness, I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to spend some incredible moments with people I truly care about both old and new.
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