"Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth."
I also feel as though nostalgia is a form of advice. I've been nostalgic over the past week. A chance encounter that was almost . . . has compelled me into thought. I'm more than grateful for the heartache I've encountered over the past months. Now granted I wasn't too thankful at the time, but we all know things happen for a reason. I mean I have no reason to be sorrowfully nostalgic which I'm not. Just a bit reminiscent.
Moving on . . . . literally about moving on. I always complained when certain significant others in my life would accuse, hold against me, etc. things that past ex'es had done or been burnt on. Yet, turn the tables and one hell of a significant other later, I'm doing the same thing to the new ones I've moved on to. When one would think that I would be excited, elated, thankful that I have found something better, that it would be easier, it's even more difficult. When does the wall come down? When it all actuallity it's only been built higher.
I'm am being very thankful for time with friends. I am beginning to build some great relationships with the girls at B'head. Who I am wonderfully grateful to have found. To find other people in the same situation I am in, and still out there doing it every day, makes me not feel so alone.
I'll go back to this . . . I'm a lucky girl . . . a very very very lucky girl. I may not have it all figured out . . . but life moves on one day at a time. And I"ll figure it out one day at a time. And in the end with all the pieces fall into place, I"ll continue to have those around me who mean the most.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
OK. . . I said I would blog tonite . . . so here it goes.
My friends, family, myself, dearest parish members, people of the great republic . . . we are facing hard times. I don't think I have quite yet met a person who is not facing a major fork in the road. All of the people that are dearest to me seem to be on the great search for the conquestial correct answer. I have friends graduating, friends going through rough health situation, friends just dealing with the life. And it seems like every one of my friends is coming to a cross roads. I've been there and I am there. And while I strive to be a pillar of strength I realize I sit in the same diverging boat they sit in.
I feel that the people I wonderfully surround myself with, lately have been dealing with difficult times. While I understand that we are at that magical age that forces decision making, I wonder why we are all encompassed in the same life strategizing position. Decision making does not come easy. And when choosing a path we all encounter a magnitude of potential barriers. While I certainly know that each and everyone of my friends has the strength and determination to overcome these barriers, I wonder where it will lead them. Will it lead them farther or closer to me? I wonder if this is where our friendships really come into play. While we are all diverged in this woods, where our paths once crossed, will our paths continue to matriculate in the same direction, or do they diverge?
I'm concerned about the future of my current status of friendships. I have this GREAT, more than MARVELOUS group of wonderful people that come together from so many walks of life. I often shy away from meeting new people just because "I like my group of friends, and I like them the way they are." These people have become so close to me. That I'm often concerned about where our paths wear out.
For my friends that have seen me through the stupidest and roughest of situations, I thank you. The past couple months have no been easy for me. (sorry to revert to this) We all know I knew better. My pride, need for perfection, accomplishment of a goal, all the things I want to overcome, stood directly in my way and punished me all at the same time. I thank God every single day that my friends saw me through it. They stuck by listened, talked, bolstered, and eventually even knock, down, drag out, saw me through some what they thought was shitty stuff. But we know that I was meant to see the brighter side of this.
I mean this whole journey to the center blog was for me to see what genuinely in all honesty was at the center of my being. And the more I see . . . it's the people in my life that make me who I am. I blogged for quite a few entries about "why is this happening to me, why do I deserve this." It's all bullshit. Life is a mystery. Life IS NOT about what happens TO YOU. Life just happens. And it's become so apparent as of lately that I've been able to get back to experiencing the breaths, the moments, the hidden gems of life to finally appreciate what it is that is at the center of it all.
It takes complacency and a bit of body checking to understand where you are in this life. Every single one of us has a story to tell. One of us as interesting as the next. I know myself, I have a gamet full of stories to tell. And it has made me who I am today. I would not be the lucky S.O.B. I am today without the stories I've created. And as I return to all of my friends currently going through hard decisions, I hope they understand and utilize the power of words. Whether it's sharing in all of our friendships or as me, when I felt like I had no one, went to the power of my own and wrote. Nothing will ever impact you as much as the people who say the things at the most inopportune times.
As usual, me and my philanthropic quotes I'll end with this: "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.” The more I foster hope in this . . . the more I know that each and every individual encounter I fulfill in my life, there is a grander scheme a things casting the picture.
My friends, family, myself, dearest parish members, people of the great republic . . . we are facing hard times. I don't think I have quite yet met a person who is not facing a major fork in the road. All of the people that are dearest to me seem to be on the great search for the conquestial correct answer. I have friends graduating, friends going through rough health situation, friends just dealing with the life. And it seems like every one of my friends is coming to a cross roads. I've been there and I am there. And while I strive to be a pillar of strength I realize I sit in the same diverging boat they sit in.
I feel that the people I wonderfully surround myself with, lately have been dealing with difficult times. While I understand that we are at that magical age that forces decision making, I wonder why we are all encompassed in the same life strategizing position. Decision making does not come easy. And when choosing a path we all encounter a magnitude of potential barriers. While I certainly know that each and everyone of my friends has the strength and determination to overcome these barriers, I wonder where it will lead them. Will it lead them farther or closer to me? I wonder if this is where our friendships really come into play. While we are all diverged in this woods, where our paths once crossed, will our paths continue to matriculate in the same direction, or do they diverge?
I'm concerned about the future of my current status of friendships. I have this GREAT, more than MARVELOUS group of wonderful people that come together from so many walks of life. I often shy away from meeting new people just because "I like my group of friends, and I like them the way they are." These people have become so close to me. That I'm often concerned about where our paths wear out.
For my friends that have seen me through the stupidest and roughest of situations, I thank you. The past couple months have no been easy for me. (sorry to revert to this) We all know I knew better. My pride, need for perfection, accomplishment of a goal, all the things I want to overcome, stood directly in my way and punished me all at the same time. I thank God every single day that my friends saw me through it. They stuck by listened, talked, bolstered, and eventually even knock, down, drag out, saw me through some what they thought was shitty stuff. But we know that I was meant to see the brighter side of this.
I mean this whole journey to the center blog was for me to see what genuinely in all honesty was at the center of my being. And the more I see . . . it's the people in my life that make me who I am. I blogged for quite a few entries about "why is this happening to me, why do I deserve this." It's all bullshit. Life is a mystery. Life IS NOT about what happens TO YOU. Life just happens. And it's become so apparent as of lately that I've been able to get back to experiencing the breaths, the moments, the hidden gems of life to finally appreciate what it is that is at the center of it all.
It takes complacency and a bit of body checking to understand where you are in this life. Every single one of us has a story to tell. One of us as interesting as the next. I know myself, I have a gamet full of stories to tell. And it has made me who I am today. I would not be the lucky S.O.B. I am today without the stories I've created. And as I return to all of my friends currently going through hard decisions, I hope they understand and utilize the power of words. Whether it's sharing in all of our friendships or as me, when I felt like I had no one, went to the power of my own and wrote. Nothing will ever impact you as much as the people who say the things at the most inopportune times.
As usual, me and my philanthropic quotes I'll end with this: "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.” The more I foster hope in this . . . the more I know that each and every individual encounter I fulfill in my life, there is a grander scheme a things casting the picture.
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