Happiness

They say happiness is not a destination, rather a journey. I don't think I quite believe in this. I feel as though happiness is like a real nice vacation. I feel as though we often have to discover what makes us happy, spend a long time traveling to that place, and then just relax there for the rest of our lives. I have spent a LONG . . . . VERY LONG . . . time in the discovery phase. I've spent many years, hours, long talks with good friends attempting to discover where it is that I needed, wanted, destined to be. And I don't know how I traveled to where it is, but I think I've found my island in the sky. I'm in essence arriving at my destination, I'm getting off the place, I'm in the taxi on the way to my beautiful wonderland. It's so close I can touch it. And being so close excites me. I've never been so thoroughly excited about the direction my life is taking than right now. I see my life becoming, evolving into exactly it is that I've wanted for SO long. The ME I dreamed of being, is about to be a reality. I see the whole picture. While, yes, I am waiting for a few more puzzle pieces to fall into place, I can see where the pieces go. I think luck, God, and hard work are going to need to be on my side for these pieces to come together, but I really think that for once in my life, I just might be ok. Better than ok. I think the people who know me the best, would say that I"m cautiously optimistic, in all arenas, especially job and relationships. But I'm OPTIMISTIC. And I'm ready to work hard, harder than I've ever worked in my entire life, to get that taxi to the destination I'm meant to be at. I think God has put me through some tough times as of recently. Lets me honest, we all know the reason I started this blog was rough on me. The 7 months of looking for a job took an excrutiating toll on me, my life, my sanity, my liver. But it all happened for a reason. I knew that the way I treated my life so wrecklessly the past two months was because I knew once something great came along, I had to be ready to focus. I had to be ready to give all else up to pour my heart and soul into whatever it was that came my way. While there are some minor set backs in my life, I'm not worried about those. I'm ready to focus on the positive, focus on the fact that in a few short months, I'm positive that those set backs will not be an issue.

I've met some wonderful people this summer. . . and some not so wonderful people. But I have slowly begun to fill my life with people. People who I can have some amazing conversations with. And the awesome thing is . . . is I"m on the verge of opening up a whole new social network to myself. I'm about to embark on a professional circle that I've never been a part of. This is SO exciting.

So back to those goals I created at the beginning of summer. I failed miserably at a few. But maybe those . . . we can still work on. HOWEVER . . . one of the few I thought I wouldn't be that upset if I didn't accomplish . . . will be happening tomorrow. I'm attending a hip hop dance class. You also have NO idea how much this excites me. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. I'm losing my inhibitions in a way I've never known before. All because I have met wonderful people already at my new job. This is the kind of networking, people sharing, collaborating, I've been missing in my life.

Moving on . . . . literally. After a year and a half. I think I'm ready to let him go. I've tried for so long to make it work. I've tried so hard to be a priority. And after chasing it for so long, I think it's lost it's luster. Maybe that's why I've been bummed in the relationship (like thinking about serious relationship) department, because I've finally realized . . . it would have never worked. I would never have the support I needed, the conversation, the love that I need so badly in a relationship. And it's almost sad that his feelings have grown stronger. It's almost too little, too late. And it really bums me out. Where was he when I wanted this all along? So, I'm sure this will be a damper when I decide that it's time to talk it out, and let him know . . . . that my feelings have changed. I'll miss him a lot, and hopefully we'll remain terrific friends, but I just don't ever think we'll be the same now that my feelings have burned out. While many people would think that this normally would hinder my happiness, I'm COMPLETELY ok with it. I'm ready to focus on me. I'm ready to spend time grabbing my destination of happiness and embracing the steady climb to self-actualization.